People Condemn What They Don't Understand

The Duggar Family having their 16th child is no news to us. Ann read a profile of them in Parents magazine years ago when they were at 14 or so, and the reaction of many is less than kind. I'll agree that 16 children and counting is, to my New York sensibilities, sort of freak show-ish. However, I grew up in a house with 4 sons, and most families we were friends with had 3-5 kids. To us, eight children was a large family. Times have changed. We have three, and every so often people will react to that as if we should get cable. On the other side, both my mother and wife were only children, & my father was one of two and their parents faced derision for that, as if having fewer made my grandparents selfish or lazy. So, I'll admit to being somewhat sensitive to any criticism based on family size.

Some bloggers I respect and read often have been less than kind. From Kip Esquire at A Stitch in Haste:

The first thought that crossed my mind was how the prolific couple plan to adequately finance sixteen college education funds.

Then I remembered: they're from Arkansas.

Kip is most likely joking. However, a comment on Kip's blog says this:

I am certain that, when the time comes, big-spending "family values" sorts will insist that gay families hand over big chunks of their hard-earned income in taxes to subsidize this sort of recklessness, in order to "bolster families."

That the gay families are themselves hurt by this policy doesn't matter to the big-spending "moral" minority. Their gonads are their gods.

From Dave Friedman at Soul of Wit:

Having 16 children is nothing if not irresponsible. Plain and simple. Religious faith or creed provide no excuse or justification.

Religious conservatives believe we ought to cast moral aspersions on those who we think act immorally. Well, consider this blog post my moral aspersion on religious families who bear an irresponsible number of children.

I disagree. Jim Bob Duggar (how I wish his name was not that of one of the Walton Boys) is not looking for a handout. He's a real estate broker and former state representative. He can afford it. Last year he built a 7000 square foot house with his two oldest sons.  So what's the beef?

Well, they are devout Christians. If that makes Duggar a better person swell. If it makes him a closed minded bigot who only believes that civil rights are for "his kind," not swell. But if his religion plays into his own family planning (and this number is by design), none of our beeswax.

There is another angle that the rest of us will end up having to foot the bill. I don't see how. Again, these people aren't asking for any help from anyone. They can afford this. Does he get a tax break for all those kids? Yes, he does. But he's also self employed, so does anyone really believe he would be paying out loads to begin with? He's also paying property and school taxes on a 7000 square foot house, yet the kids are home schooled. I don't hear any complaints about that. I also don't hear any complaints that the odds of Jim Bob and Michelle having a child die for their country are eight times that of the average family. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar will introduce 16 (at least) contributors to the social security system, which is just what that stupid ponzi scheme needs.

The number of pups these people want to squeeze out should be their business alone if they can pay the bill. The economic effects on the rest of us merit a thank -you card from society, not derision. Large families are a wet dream tremendously beneficial for the economy. These people have 4 washers and 8 dryers. They built their own home. They spend $1500 a month feeding these children. Does anyone without children realize how much money circulates in the economy when just one child arrives? Ann and I calculated that when we had our third, Gregory, that over half a million dollars changed hands as a result. We added onto the house, bought a larger car (3 child seats. The Duggars have a Partridge Family-esque bus), refinanced 2 rental properties, and bought another investment property upstate. Would we have done it all anyway? Perhaps some of it, but not the addition or car. But you don't need to have half a million dollars change hands to vindicate having a baby. And admittedly, there may be diminishing returns for the economy as you have more children. The 4th child may not get the same new pair of shoes, but rather hand me downs. So be it. Society still wins. Whatever a child may take out of tax revenue they more than replace with commerce. And tax revenue is not the name of the game in this system it is commerce.

Perhaps the criticism is more for the welfare of the children. Maybe they don't get as much love. Folks, love is not a zero sum thing. They have each other too. Is this bad? Trust me on this one, you can't replace a sibling. What about the unique and special things these children will experience? They grow some of their own food. Their home schooling includes violin lessons. The two oldest helped build the new house. The older ones help with the younger ones. Horrors.

The fact is that so long as Jim Bob and Michelle can pay the bill they are doing more good than harm. We could go back and forth plenty if you wish, but all that will show is that I have a good answer (or two) for any objection you might have. The real problem is not the Duggars. What about the DSS tenant I have that just had her 9th by who know how many men? Why doesn't this make the news? Because political correctness does not protect white southern Christians.

People criticize this not because the Duggars have done anything bad, but because they cannot understand it. I can't imagine 16 children but I can relate to the joys of parenthood, the camaraderie of having siblings, the economic imperatives, and many of the "cup half full aspects." I still have my prejudices (who doesn't? But do you really believe that Kip Esquire dislikes southerners? If you do, get real), but they aren't in this realm. People have scorned what they don't understand for eons. This is the basis of any bigotry you can name. Here's what I would say to those who cast a critical eye on these hayseed christian yahoos who keep spawning: If you'd just give them a chance, you'd be how similar they are to you.

Quick Update: Jim Bob is a real estate investor who owns his primary residence and investments outright, with no mortgage. I also saw something I haven't been able to confirm that he is involved with an auto dealership. So much for the suggestion that he cannot afford this.

Comments

[Leah]

"This is a christian family and where I live, about 99% of people are Christians and most believe that with abuse (sexual) that it is better to keep quiet and it is the females fault."

This is a horrendous sweeping generality about Christians. In fact, I would say the percent is grossly overdone. It is probably more like somewhere in the .5%. Making the above statement is like saying that all Jews are greedy, all Mormons are polygamists, and all atheists/wiccans worship the devil. I think that if something was happening amongst the Duggars that something would have been revealed to camera crews, guests, parents, etc.

[Happy Mom 04]

My comment is short for now, but the claim that there is not enough love or quality time for 16 children is ridiculous. Why is it that people think that quality time HAS to be one-on-one? Can't quality time be spent as a family? I'll bet the Duggars spend more time with their 16 children than most parents spend on one or two. Having one or two children makes the whole family more selfl-centered. The larger the family, the more you have to depend on each other and be self-sacrificing. Isn't this what Jesus did for us? He sacrificed Himself for us. The Bible DOES say that we should try to be as much like Him as we can!

[Robert]

"That many boys in a house there is sure to be some sort of abuse going on. I know that in a family of 16, not everyone behaves no nicely. If there is a magnifying glass on that family, I am sure there are a lot of things that they do not want us to see."

As I read your comment, I cried; partially for terrible and false accusation, and partially for how you must have grown up to be so ready to assume that brothers would abuse, even sexually abuse their sisters.

Of course I would never claim that the Duggars are perfect. We can be certain that those siblings have their rivalries and such.

But I am also the second oldest in a large family with the same "family culture" as the Duggars; so I can assure you that those brothers think of themselves as the protectors and defenders of their sisters, and would vomit in disgust at the very idea that you have suggested.

[Robyn]

I both love and hate the Duggars. At any rate, I'm fully drawn to every bit of information I can read about them much like I'm drawn to the Septuplets. The WOW factor really plays in there.

I love them because I want a family like that. I want to mother all those kids and homeschool and live in a dormatory and just have babies whenever I want. I want to be able to keep my kids in my world where I set up everything they see or learn so they all want to follow my religion and my traditions. I want to love every child and make them feel special and important just because they are here and they are my child.

I hate them because I don't really think it is fair to not expose your children to other aspects of the world. There is no way that 18 people, even in one nuclear family, can have ALL the same view point and opinion of things like religion when given all the different possibilities of the world. I had 5 siblings and there is a wide range even just with us! I have 3 kids and the only one that is old enough to make a choice yet has said he doesn't want to be the exact same religion as me. I'm not particularly fond of the religion they practice with the girls all having long hair and dresses and doing the cooking and cleaning and childcare. It irks me a bit that on some level - there is a bit of cult-like living going on. Frankly, I'm not eating any jello if the Duggars invite me to dinner.

I also am irritated by her pure luck at getting pregnant so easily and so quickly after giving birth and at least the lack of me seeing anything about her understanding how incredible that is. I went through having a stillborn daughter. It was nothing genetic and the pregnancy was totally normal until 3 days before her due date she was born dead. It was heart wrentching as you might imagine. I have many friends going through fertility issues with not being able to have as many kids as they'd like, and all THEY are asking for is one or two. I have other (very religious, BTW) friends who are battling cancer with their baby. I belong to a group that gives support through losing children and trust me when I say that how devout you are has NOTHING to do with your odds of being hit with tragedy. Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar are lucky, plain and simple. VERY lucky. I wish that she'd show an understanding of that as this huge family parades across our TVs. There is more to "why doesn't everyone do this?" then because we are selfish parents that don't want to have 16 kids. We CAN'T do that. Physically. So while I sit and watch and wish it was me while still thinking there are some issues with the family I don't like, I am frustrated and annoyed to hear a hint of "We are setting an example of what a good family is." somewhere in the mix. Honestly, it is easier for me to deal with the concept of the cons to making a CHOICE to be that kind of family then it is for me to deal with the fact that it was never my choice.

[michelle]

The people who are criticizing this wonderful family should be ashamed. Why do people always have to bash something they don't understand? Jim bob and Michelle are free to do anything to pursuit happiness and they seem to be happy. yes , they probably are times when they have disagreements , so what. What really got me was when the accusation of abuse came up. Especially sexual.Michelle Duggar should get mother of the year because she has taught her children kindness, responsibility for themselves and others , and love for there fellow man. Some of you people may need to take lessons from her.
So Mr.Kip Esquire was your assumption on the bases of their T.V. special or have you been to their home and spent actual time with them because if you are assuming we all know the saying about assuming ( assume) a hint if you don't, break that word into 3 parts.